Brayden's Kidney

Most of you know that Brayden was born with a Multicystic Dysplastic Kidney.  So he has one beautiful functioning kidney.  The other kidney is full of cysts. This kidney could possibly absorb, (which I hope it does) or it could sit there and do nothing for the rest of his life, (another good option) or it could later in life cause some problems with infections and what not. At this point, from all of the testing he has had, the doctors say he shouldn't have any complications from it.  So hopefully it stays that way. 
We found out Brayden had Multicystic Dysplastic Kidney when I was 19 weeks pregnant.  We went over a lot of different scenarios with his kidneys.   He could have problems, need a transplant, dialysis and anything else that could make you cry your eyes out. I feel like they went over the most extreme things.   Either to scare me, or to scare me.  After doing my own research and talking with other doctors I decided not to worry about his kidney unless I had to.  So much less stressful if you ask me.  Plus I tend to make situations positive until I know 100% that something is actually wrong.  (You notice I said tend..  Because I still had/have my moments where I was scared and am not always positive). 
Well, Brayden was born and they did ultrasounds to check on his kidneys until he was out of the NICU and could be seen by his Nephrologist. (who I really like)  This doctor and his wife had twins also. They are much older now; but it was nice talking to him about late nights and early mornings and having two of everything.  Just an all around awesome doctor.  Brayden was supposed to be seen twice a week once we left the NICU to have two creatinine blood tests done.  This was something I couldn't do.  Take three kids, 2 of which were on oxygen to the doctors office twice a week.  I went once with David and it was just too stressful. And the last thing I wanted to do was take my preemie babies to the dirty hospital twice a week. So we had home health nurses come to our house.  Talk about a life savor. We did this for 2.5 months. We did get to a point where twice a week was too much for Brayden and I couldn't handle all the poking and failed blood draws. So I told them to stop and that Brayden needed a week off.  At this point his creatinine levels had been fine and I knew he didn't need to be poked so much so I told them to tell the doctor he wouldn't get any results this week.  The nurse looked and me and said, "I completely agree with you." After she called the doctor and told him we weren't going to do the tests that week he ended up having the nurse come every other week to give Brayden a break.  That made me feel so much better and proud of myself for saying something.  I have nothing against medical technology or doctors at all.  In fact I am very appreciative and supportive of both, but sometimes a mothers intuition is better; and you need to stick to it.
During one of Brayden's ultrasounds the doctor noticed that Braydens non functioning kidney had more kidney tissue in it then before.  This could mean that his kidney might have partial function in it.  Kind of exciting right?  You are thinking his kidney might start working again right?  I thought the same thing.  The doctor told me if it did have partial function then urine could be trapped in the kidney, which could cause kidney infections and could cause his good kidney to get infected as well.   So Brayden had to have a nuclear renal scan to see if his kidney had any function in it at all.  He did so well during the scan.  He cried in the beginning which made me sob because I couldn't hold him.  I could hold his hand and rub his face.  He cried and looked at me like, just hold me mom.  Once they gave him a pacifier with sugar water on it he was much happier.  We found out his kidney doesn't have any function at all.  I was very pleased with the results.  Brayden's healthy kidney is doing great and he will just have to have it checked once a year now. 

These boys are such a sweet blessing.  I can't imagine my life with out them.  I find myself staring at them in awe that they are even mine.  They are just two beautiful perfect little boys who stole my heart.  I am lucky to have them, and I thank my Heavenly Father daily for all three of my beautiful children.

The NICU

Being a "NICU Mom" is something I never thought I would be or become.  I have a greater love, appreciation, and empathy for these strong Moms and Dads. I am so grateful for Neonatal Intensive Care Units.  Without them, many wonderful children wouldn't be here today. 

I walked into IMC once a week for 8 weeks.  Sometimes I was there a couple times a week.  I was pregnant during this time.  I would see many people in the hospital with lanyards on with a purple card hanging from it.  Never once did I read what the purple cards said.  I was usually thinking about myself and didn't take the time to look around me.  Indie and I would go to many appointments together and I would let Indie push the elevator buttons and I would be crossing my fingers that the boys were healthy and safe.  Little did I know at this time that I would be wearing one of those lanyards with the purple NICU cards that allowed you in and out of the NICU.  My life has changed and my eyes have been opened with in the last 2 years.  Between my miscarriage, brain tumor, (which I will write about later) and my twin boys I really do appreciate my life so much more, and I try to understand the people around me instead of judging them.  I have no idea what people are going through, and people have no idea what I am going through.

When my babies were taken through the NICU window I had no idea what to expect.  So many questions were running through my mind.  Are they going to be healthy boys?  How long will we be here?  Can I hold them?  Can they breastfeed?  So many questions.  I was wheeled in to the recovery room for a couple hours after my c-section.  David had gone in to see the babies and he took pictures and videos of them for me to see.  Once I was out of recovery they wheeled my bed through the NICU so I could see the babies.  I couldn't walk at all from the spinal and the epidural so I had to stay in bed until it all wore off.  During this time David got to spend time in the NICU asking the nurses 100 questions and coming back to my room and telling me about everything.   As soon as I could get up I had David wheel me down to the NICU and I was finally able to be with the boys.  I would sit with them for so long that my nurses upstairs would call the NICU and tell me I needed to come get my meds.  I would always tell them I was fine and If I needed anything I would ask for it later.  I didn't want to take my eyes off of these boys;  and I'm not a fan of pain meds, unless I absolutely need them.

The boys were beautiful.  I think they look a hundred times better now, but they just looked so cute to me for being so early.  Those were David's first words to me after he saw the boys, "I can't believe how cute they are".  They really are the cutest little things.  The boys were very healthy and big for being 2 months early.  Brayden had a couple little scares in the beginning with his lungs, but other than that they just needed to grow and get strong.  Luckily I had my steroid shots to help develop their lungs.  Brayden's lungs weren't fully developed when he was born so he had a hard time breathing.  We later found out he had a small hole in his lungs.  His chest was a little caved in and he just looked like he was in pain while trying to breath. His chest would sink in while trying to breath and his little face looked exhausted and sad from trying so hard to breath.  At one point I broke down in tears and told David to get a nurse.  He just looked like he was in too much pain.  They put Brayden back on oxygen and let him relax and sleep for awhile before they would take him off his oxygen again to see if his lungs had improved.   Brayden was getting more and more exhausted from breathing.  His doctor came and talked to us about the hole in his lungs and how she was nervous it was getting worse and that she may need to intervene and put a tube in the side of Brayden's body to allow the air out and to help him breath.  There were medical terms and things being said that I cant even remember, and I think at one point I wasn't even hearing what the doctors were saying. (That's why I am so glad I have an amazing husband who was asking 100 questions, and questions the doctors couldn't even answer.  They would say, that's a good point let me look in to that.)  I was just praying in my head that Brayden would be fine and he would be healthy.  David and my Dad were able to give the boys blessings.  I know that their blessing helped Brayden, and he was completely fine with in hours after the blessing.  I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and for the priesthood. 

Since I had a C-section I was in the hospital for 5 days.  It was nice being able to just walk to the NICU from my room each day.  I was pretty sad when it was time for me to go home but I was also ready to be with Indie at night.  My heart broke for Indie.  She cried a lot and was so confused as to why I was always leaving to go to the "doctor".  I had never left Indie for a long period of time until I had the boys.  It was definitely hard on us both.  I would wake up early and go to the NICU and either stay 4 hours or 8 hours.  Some days I would go in twice.  I would cry while driving to the NICU (for leaving Indie) and when I had to leave the NICU (for leaving the boys).  I was always leaving someone no matter what I did.  I look back now and wonder how I did this every day for over 6 weeks.

We had some really awesome nurses and doctors.  My favorite doctor was Dr. Beachy.  She was awesome and took amazing care of the boys.  She was also on top of all the nurses and made sure they took excellent care of the boys.  I met a lot of NICU moms and went to many NICU activities where we made things for our babies, talked with each other and cried.  I felt very blessed that the boys were so healthy and didn't have any major problems, because there were many moms who weren't so lucky.  I would get jealous seeing babies go home. It felt like my boys would be there forever.  In order for the babies to go home they had to be able to eat on their own by breast or with a bottle.  I would breastfeed while I was at the NICU and then the nurses did bottles while I was at home or they used their NG tubes when too tired to eat on their own.  I would call every few hours and ask how they were doing.  One of the hardest parts about having the boys in the NICU was pumping.  I had to wake up every two hours in the night and pump and all through out the day.  The hardest part was pumping and not even having a baby or babies at home with me.  Many people would tell me how sorry they were for me that I had to get up and pump through out the night, but really, I was happy to do it because it allowed me to feel like I was doing something for my babies.  In the NICU you get a section of a freezer to yourself to store milk.  The nurses were all in shock at how much milk I produced.  They would always say you have enough milk to feed quads.... or a small army.  Breastfeeding is amazing.  The fact our bodies can make milk to feed our babies is awesome.  It is definitely something you have to take day by day in the beginning.  I have never been in so much pain with all the milk coming in, and the clogged ducts.  With the boys and when I breastfed Indie I got a clogged duct near my armpit, which turned in to a huge knot the size of a golf ball.  The worst thing is rubbing the knot out.  I would lay down with my arm up and bite on to a towel.  David would rub the knot out, and no joke, I would have to tell him to stop every few minutes because I would almost pass out. Worst pain ever, but totally worth it in my opinion.  Once my milk regulates it is much more enjoyable and so convenient and easy.   The babies were used to bottles when they first came home.  So I was breastfeeding some and bottle feeding.  Indie never used a bottle so I wasn't used to bottles.  I can now say I'm not a fan of bottles.  It took a few long weeks to get the boys used  to just breastfeeding.  My life seemed so much more easier with out the bottles.  When you go in public it is so much easier to just breastfeed then to carry breast milk around trying to warm it up and what not. 

Ashton was in the NICU for 5 weeks and Brayden was in the NICU for 6.  I had to stay the night at the hospital before I could bring Ashton home.  They have a few "hotel rooms" right by the NICU and I got to stay in one of the rooms with Ashton.  I had to wake up every 2 hours and feed and change him and write it all down on paper for the doctors to see.  I had to learn how to use the oxygen tanks and the pulse oximeter machines, before I could take the babies home. It was nice to stay in the room since I could call a nurse whenever I wanted if I needed anything, or had any questions.  It is pretty scary to take a preemie home.  The hardest thing I ever did was have to leave Brayden in the NICU while I took Ashton home.  I felt like the worst mom in the world. 

The boys both came home on oxygen and were on it for a month.  They were on the lowest dose of oxygen to remind them to breath.  They would sometimes hold their breath for a few seconds; which is something we all do on a daily basis. But as adults we know when we are doing it and can tell ourselves I need to breath.  Where a preemie may not remind themselves to keep breathing.  So basically it was a blessing having them on their pulse oximeter machines because I was able to see their heart rate and oxygen levels 24/7 and that allowed me to sleep. (The 30 minutes here and there)  The machines would beep when they would hold their breath and that would allow me to stimulate them and remind them to breath.  (I am so glad those days are over with) 

I finally feel like our lives are normal again.  The first few months after the babies were born were such a blur.  Long days and long nights.  Sometimes I wonder how we got through them.  I look back and think, I would do it all 1000 more times just to have them in my life.  I love my kids more than anything.  They have blessed my life and they will probably never know how much love and joy they have filled my heart with.  I couldn't imagine my life without them.  I am also so grateful and blessed to have an amazing husband who works very hard for his family, and will do anything he can to make us all happy.  David and I are also very blessed to have family help us during our NICU days.  We couldn't have done it with out them.

The Twins Story

So apparently I don't understand  the blogging world anymore.  Seeing as I had to make another blog.  Starting fresh is always great right? so if this is long and out of order or jumbled words and sentences, I have been typing here and there for weeks while the kiddos are napping.   We are now the Robins party of 5.  I say party, because my life feels pretty amazing, and I have so many things to be grateful for, and who doesn't like a party?.  I have been meaning to write up my "birth story" so to speak, so I don't forget my thoughts and feelings about my pregnancy, labor and birth.

I will start a little bit before the twins birth. Actually I want to remember it all so I will start from the beginning.  Finding out I was pregnant with another set of twins was pretty awesome.  My heart was completely broken when I lost my first set of twins.  The thought of having twins was exciting and scary.  More scary then exciting at times.  Once I saw that my babies were gone I felt completely empty inside.  I felt like someone punched my stomach and then removed my insides.  I told myself that they would come back to me one day.  I heard, "don't get your hopes up".... a lot.  I figured they wouldn't come back, but positive thoughts were what I needed and what got me through the first few months.

Early on in my pregnancy I was having a lot of pain and thought I was going to miscarry again.  David and I went to the emergency room to see what was causing the pain.  That night we saw one healthy little "tic tac" that's what the baby looked like.  David said, "are you sure there is only one baby?"  The nurse replied, " yes, one healthy baby."  We found out that night I had two subchorionic hemorrhages.  So basically I had, two pockets of blood accumulating in the outer fetal membrane, next to the placenta. not uncommon for pregnancies, but not something i wanted to hear after already losing two babies.  I wasn't put on bed rest, but I was asked to refrain from cleaning, exercise, pretty much everything until they absorbed or disappeared.  By my 15 week check up I think that's when they were finally gone.

At 11 weeks I went in to see my OB for my first real check up.  We talked about the miscarriage and how exciting it was to be pregnant again and how I would probably feel scared this pregnancy and worried a lot.  We went in the room to do our ultrasound and I saw two cute little babies on the
screen.  My doctor was pretty shocked, as was David.  The doctor said in his 30 years of practice he
has never seen two sets of identical twins back to back.   So pretty much at this point I said, "so can I come see you once a week until I feel comfortable about this pregnancy"?  He said of course and that's what I did.  We became very good friends with all the nurses that's for sure.  Can you believe it?  Another set of twins? I was so incredibly shocked, and that pain I had felt for months from losing the previous twins was instantly gone and replaced with excitement and nervousness. 

I get really sick while pregnant, really really sick, to where (maybe too much information for some but this is for my memory, for when I ask for another baby some day. Haha). I'm puking and puking and nothing helps me.  And don't forget that while I'm puking I pee myself every time.  This is why i stay out of public places in the beginning of my pregnancies. I was sick with Indie, but my hormones were doubled times 2 this go around (obviously) and it felt even worse.  I had nights where I couldn't breath because I had puked so much and my throat was bleeding and swollen.  I was in and out of the hospital getting IV's.  One day they gave me three bags of fluid and did a urine sample, and I was still dehydrated. I would drink and drink fluids but for the most part could never keep it down. I would have good days and bad days.  The bad days always out number the good days in the first 3 to 4 months.  BUT... I am now very familiar with many hospitals in salt lake county. (if thats a good thing)  At about 18 weeks I was starting to feel pretty good.  I was getting my energy back and was really starting to enjoy my bump.  

At 19 weeks I started seeing a Perinatogist "high risk" doctor.  So I had my OB appointments at Alta View hospital and my high risk at IMC.  My doctor couldn't deliver the twins unless they made it to
35 weeks, due to the NICU levels.  At 19 weeks is when we found out the boys were sharing one placenta.  So one placenta, but in separate sacks.  (which you could barely see at most times.) It took about 35 minutes for them to find the membrane for the first time and it took about 20 minutes every week to find it again.  The scary part about one placenta is the boys we're sharing nutrients.  So sharing one placenta can lead to TTTS, twin to twin transfusion syndrome.  This is when the blood supply of one twin moves to the other.  The twin losing the blood would be the donor and the one receiving the blood would be the recipient.  Both babies could have major problems if TTTS were to take place.  I had to go in weekly and have the amniotic fluid levels checked.  Brayden "baby b" always had low levels of amniotic fluid, so at first the doctors were worried.  His levels always stayed the same low amount, so they assumed it could have been from the shape of my uterus.  Brayden also has a multicystic dysplastic kidney.  He has one functioning kidney.  His other kidney didn't "mold" correctly as it was forming in the womb.  This could have happened due to my egg splitting and it was a defect.  A great defect to get if you have to have one I suppose.  You can live and function normally with one kidney.  Also, something I hope to never have happen or done, but Brayden has an identical twin brother with two healthy kidneys if he ever needed a donor.  Brayden is seen by an awesome Nephrologist every few months to check on his healthy kidney to make sure it is working properly.  So far his one kidney is very healthy and they don't see why he would have problems with it.

After finding out about TTTS and the one functioning kidney I started bawling in the doctors office.  (This is when I learned that doctors talk more about the negatives happening than the positives).  The high risk doctor asked David and I if we would like to terminate our pregnancy so we wouldn't have to go through any complications.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?  The look on my face, I'm sure, answered their question.  I have the cutest little boys ever.  They are healthy happy little guys.  I am so blessed to have them.  I couldn't imagine terminating a pregnancy. 

The rest of my pregnancy went really well.  The hype over TTTS was finally settling down and things were becoming more normal and comfortable again.  I started seeing the doctors twice a week  to check on the babies.   Our high risk doctor said he didn't see any reason why I wouldn't make it to 37 weeks.  I laugh now, because doctors really have no say when your baby or babies are coming, when they choose to come they come.

On March 29th I woke up feeling really crummy.  I was having some contractions which was a normal thing for me so I didn't think too much about it.  David was working that day so Indie and I laid in my bed and watched lots of cartoons.  I took a bath that afternoon and that seemed to help.  By the night of the 29th I was too uncomfortable to lay at all and I couldn't sleep.  The next morning after being up all night we went in to labor and delivery at Alta View to see what was going on.  Sure enough I was having contractions.  Lots of them.  I was given nifedipine to try and stop labor and it just wasn't working.  I was given my steroid shots just in case the boys decided to come early, that way their lungs would be developed.They gave me my fetal fibronectin test which tells you if you will go in to labor or not with in the next 7 days or so.  Mine came back negative so they told me not to worry,  I wouldn't be going in to labor anytime soon.  (not an accurate test obviously, which I already knew)  They kept me over night to make sure my contractions lessened.  I was only dilated to 1.5 cm so they weren't too worried at this point.  The next morning I was having less contractions and felt pretty good so they sent me home.  My doctor told me if I had anymore problems I needed to go to IMC because he didn't want me to come in and be sent over in an ambulance to IMC. I was about 32 weeks at this point.  As soon as I got home I felt horrible again.  They told me I would feel this way for many weeks.  I literally did not get more than 45 mins of sleep every night.  I was so uncomfortable and miserable.  I couldn't sit for long periods at a time and I couldn't lay down at all.  It was horrible.  A couple days later I was back at the hospital, this time IMC and having constant contractions again. (Or should I say still) I was still dilated to 1.5 cm so I went home.  By Friday April 4th I was in so much pain.  I could barely take it.  David and I didn't want to go back to the hospital because we knew they would send us home again.  Friday night I was in tears.  I had been pumped full of so many IV fluids during the week to see if it would stop contractions that my body was completely swollen.  My stomach felt like it was going to rip open when I would move.  My feet were so big my socks didn't fit.  My huge baggy sweatpants were turning in to spandex.  It was horrible.  On Saturday morning April 5th I told David I had to go to the hospital.  I felt like the babies were going to come.  The drive to the hospital felt like my drive to the hospital when i was in labor  with Indie. I knew that these babies were going to come. I didn't want them to, but they had other plans.

We get to the hospital and they check my cervix.  At this point I was dilated to 5cm.  The high risk doctor told me the babies would be coming today.  They did an ultrasound to check on the positions of the boys and they were both breech.  Ashton "baby a" was head down just a day before and we thought for sure I would be able to deliver these boys vaginally.  Since both boys were breech I needed to have a cesarean section.  I asked the doctor if we could give the baby's a couple hours and see if Ashton would go head down again.  She said yes and we waited.  Nothing happened and he wouldn't turn so I was prepped for a c-section.

They wheeled me in to the operating room and told me they would hold up the babies as they were born so I could see them, but that they would be taken through a window in to the NICU.  I think at this point from all the drugs I was given I  turned off my emotions and just went with the flow.  I so badly wanted a natural birth and to cuddle my boys as soon as they were born, but that wasn't the case this pregnancy.  I was happy to do whatever I needed to do to keep them healthy and safe.  The boys were born on April 5th at 1:14 pm and 1:15 pm.  Ashton was born first and then Brayden.  I cried as I got to quickly see them and watch them go through the open window.  I was happy and relieved that they were both healthy.  Ashton weighed 4lbs 4oz and Brayden was 3lbs 10oz.  They were actually very big for their gestation, and the fact there were two babies.  I fell in love with them immediately. The c-section it's self wasn't too bad.  I have read a lot about Caesarian sections and have watched quite a few videos on them.  I'm a certified child birth educator so Im required to know about all births, and I knew my chances of having a c-section were much greater with twins so I did a lot of research.   I thought I would be sore and couldn't walk or do anything but I was up and walking as soon as the medication wore off and I could feel my feet again.  The hardest part about the recovery was, I felt like a completely normal person with out pain but I couldn't lift heavy things. That was annoying. I also wonder if recovery wasn't so bad for me because I never had time to recover.  I didn't have time to lay in bed and relax.  I had two awesome, cute little babies in the NICU that I wanted to be with.  I also had Indie at home who wanted my attention too. A vaginal birth is definitely much more enjoyable.  The one thing that I enjoyed most about the c-section was, the catheter.  Not getting up to pee every 2 minutes was pretty amazing. 

I am so grateful for my boys, and for the journey that I went through to have them.  Because of them, I look at the world in a completely different way.  I love more, and worry less about the small things.  I love every single minute of everyday I have with them and with Indie.  Some days are harder than others but I wouldn't trade my life for anything.